Don't give up...Look up!

I was so very frustrated with being this teachermom and really ready to give up.

I turned to a friend who has been homeschooling her son since the beginning of his school career. I confided in her telling her my troubles. Even though she was relaying similar problems she has with her child, I was devastated, it didn't matter what someone else had in common with my problems. I didn't want the problems. I was upset and hurt by what I was unable to accomplish. I was doubting myself, thinking very poorly in my capabilities as a mom and a teachermom. I was struggling, needless to say. I was confused why it was taking so long and why we were not accomplishing what needed to be accomplished in the day. On top of that, my patience was already thin and it was becoming even more stretched, the kids were being affected and my love life was being affected. I was turning into that unhappy wife again.

I remember running to church so I could get a renewing of God's anointing. Just feel a little capable. I was a mother teacher running in the desert looking for water when the whole time I had it with me. God was with me I just needed to ask for him. Stop waiting until Thursday morning bible study and Sunday to get his pouring. I could of asked him all along.

I was the problem just not in the way I thought. Actually that was it precisely, I was thinking wrong. I was not including God in my preparations, I thought I needed to be like his school, I thought I needed a public school curriculum, I thought we needed 10 subjects everyday. I thought there was some wild crazy curriculum I had to follow in order to be good at this. I was following a set of rules that didn't even exist. I cooked a meal I was unable to eat and I was choking on it everyday. My child was growing so full on all these subjects I was pushing down my babies throat. He couldn't handle it and it wasn't working. we needed a change, I needed a change. A mental change!

Once I realized I could do things my way I asked God to help me with a curriculum. I needed some guidance but couldn't afford any of the curriculum's out there. Then, just right on time 3 days before i was going to start our new school I was blessed with two years of a curriculum (a christian curriculum...yes) and I thanked God and I began to relax a little. 

Not too much I was still panicked. didn't know exactly how to manage and organize our days. Just wanted our school time to be filling and healthy. 

Two months went by and the flow became easier, I was crying and yelling less, and was talking more! I began to change things about myself, see things about me apparently my husband saw in me for so long. Yet, I was not only able see them but fix them work on them. Became a better person, mom, teacher, wife and daughter of our Lord. I am beginning to see now that God was not putting me in this position just for my kids, for our family, but for me; to teach ME. I am so very thankful for such an amazing, caring, and loving Father. I am enjoying my life and there's no turning back!

How we came to be "Our Panda Homeschool"

This was a big step for me, I was a stay at home mom trying to fill my days with writing, coupons, crocheting and then a dangerous rode to playing minecraft becoming wildly addicted. I was bored and need something to fill the extra time I didn't know what to do with. I decided to apply for a job in the criminal justice field (remember...CJ Major).

For sure I would be a solid candidate. Since my background is close to spotless; no drinking, no drugs and no type of gang affiliation ever in my life. I was gold to them! I had excelled in every possible step they had given me. Then God walked on to the scene and for the door that was so far open it was off the hinges was now suddenly closed and I was confused. At the same time I applied for the CJ position, there was a teaching job I felt I was being led to, so I applied. I left in God's hands saying I applied for both we will see what you want me to do. Let's get one thing straight really quick, for those who know me, know yes I have a lot of patience until it comes to homework with the kids. I was not teacher material, but I followed my spirit applied for the job and God closed the door. Apparently I was not doing what I was suppose to be doing. I returned to my knees in longer prayer and even fasting I asked God what was the deal and what did he want form me? Why was he closing so many doors and why was he giving me this urge to teach?

Then one night really late or really early 3 a.m. God spoke to me and for a week he spoke to me, waking me up at 3 a.m. at the end of that week I knew why I had such a hold on teaching. I was not meant to teach at a school surrounded by other peoples children but in my home surrounded by my own children. Before you knew it my misdirection became so focused and so intent. I spent the whole summer preparing myself and my home for what was about to happen. I can say honestly I thought I was prepared. Oh boy was I so very wrong!

After the change...

     Well, it has been 2 more months and I am pretty sure I have had a complete and wild transformation. It is pretty neat, though. God has been working some miracles in me and my son. Isaiah is quickly catching on to what the standard will be. My once negative, unfocused, and frustrated son. Has turned himself around ... of course with a whole lot of help from God and a little bit of help from me. He is growing so much and in this short time has made some real progress, real progress that I can see. His writing, reading and math have become significantly strong. It's amazing and I truly believe it is a miracle happening right before my eyes.

     So with the direction from God and the push from my husband I have decided to take all the kids and bring them to the Our Panda Homeschool. It will definitely be a task, but "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13, which seems to be my mission statement). I am fully growing into a state of believing in myself. Having the faith God has in me. I mean he entrusted me with these beautiful little people and I must believe it is up to me to see the potential in myself to do all the right things. Not saying I won't make mistakes, but that even in my mistakes there can be a learning experience. I am so ready to start thinking of myself the way God thinks of me. That starts with believing in my capability. Not merely because I am gifted but because of Philippians 4:13.

Have a good day and what are you believing in God for!?

God Bless : )

This is not the beginning!

I have had a really hard time transitioning from working class women to stay at home mom. Mind you it was not my choice, I was inflicted into this decision. Quite a tale maybe I might tell you someday. Or not!

I am truly quite over it because now here swimming in the deep end I am truly happy with who I am and what task I have placed in front of me.

Like I said this is not the beginning. My beginning was much different then now. I was angry, hurting, yelling, screaming, possibly making everyone around me very miserable. You see the saying is not just a saying, Happy wife happy life, very true statement! I was not happy my life was not going in the direction I had worked so hard for it to go.

You see, being a young mom of 7 kids holding a full time job and going to school to build a career was all I wanted, well maybe more kids, but pretty much on track. I was graduating soon going to jump into my dreams when everything came crashing down. I was pushed right into a position of being a stay at home mom who really couldn't do much physically.

That was probably the hardest part I was actually available to spend time with my kids but physical incapable, that truth broke me so many times. Yet no matter how hard that was I am so thankful for it. You see God used this traumatic time in my life to show me what I was really missing out on. Of course I didn't see it at the time but boy did I catch on later.

Anyway, days went by, weeks, months and then years. Two to be exact, two years and seven months to be even more exact. I was on the edge, ready to jump. That's when my life changed so dramatically. God relieved me of all the problems in my life; mentally, physically and most of all emotionally. I was different, I was new. I thank God everyday for that and for the strength he gives me everyday to be more new.

Now I am a stay at home mom, who has her degree in criminal justice.....wowzers. I know what you are saying  all that work and all that time and all that money. Who knows where my future lies, God may one day give me the opportunity where such a degree comes in handy. All I know is right now God has me right where he wants me. Teaching my children and being a wife to the most amazing husband. He had this set up for me all along I chose not to listen. Well that's the past because I am all ears now! I'm listening!!

The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste

     Things have been much better. I continue keeping my eyes on God expecting that he is in control. I must say I am not disappointed. He is so much in control, thank God he is in control! His Spirit that lives within me reminds me when I think I'm going to lose it that I can do anything through Christ, Philippians 4:13, he is truly my strength and my rock.

     The problem is this, I have been juggling preparing for the next year as well as working on this year...wow has it been a challenge. I have battled over the importance of the two worlds and determined nothing...lol. I am completely at a loss of which is more important. They both have their meanings for my attention but then one doesn't. Obviously the next year, but then I argue that next year is even more important its the last year before high school and we really have to be prepared. I don't know, all I know is when I go to bed and I say my prayers I am put to ease by my dear father that tomorrow is but another day to battle things out with myself. : ) Thankfully I don't have to worry about falling behind. That would be the struggle I could not ignore for any reason.

      I guess to be truthful it is not even really a battle or a problem. It's the face that I just want to be more prepared for the future and its events to come. When I made the decision to homeschool it was without a plan. Merely no time to figure anything out. I was walking in completely blind and you could say I hit a few things. I don't want to be blinded by my nonpreparation. I know there will be things I am not prepared for. I guess I just don't want the easy stuff to trip me up and I am unable to handle the hard stuff.

Either way, God will give me the wisdom to handle everything. Doesn't mean I can be lazy!

See you another day. God Bless and stay happy!