Don't give up...Look up!

I was so very frustrated with being this teachermom and really ready to give up.

I turned to a friend who has been homeschooling her son since the beginning of his school career. I confided in her telling her my troubles. Even though she was relaying similar problems she has with her child, I was devastated, it didn't matter what someone else had in common with my problems. I didn't want the problems. I was upset and hurt by what I was unable to accomplish. I was doubting myself, thinking very poorly in my capabilities as a mom and a teachermom. I was struggling, needless to say. I was confused why it was taking so long and why we were not accomplishing what needed to be accomplished in the day. On top of that, my patience was already thin and it was becoming even more stretched, the kids were being affected and my love life was being affected. I was turning into that unhappy wife again.

I remember running to church so I could get a renewing of God's anointing. Just feel a little capable. I was a mother teacher running in the desert looking for water when the whole time I had it with me. God was with me I just needed to ask for him. Stop waiting until Thursday morning bible study and Sunday to get his pouring. I could of asked him all along.

I was the problem just not in the way I thought. Actually that was it precisely, I was thinking wrong. I was not including God in my preparations, I thought I needed to be like his school, I thought I needed a public school curriculum, I thought we needed 10 subjects everyday. I thought there was some wild crazy curriculum I had to follow in order to be good at this. I was following a set of rules that didn't even exist. I cooked a meal I was unable to eat and I was choking on it everyday. My child was growing so full on all these subjects I was pushing down my babies throat. He couldn't handle it and it wasn't working. we needed a change, I needed a change. A mental change!

Once I realized I could do things my way I asked God to help me with a curriculum. I needed some guidance but couldn't afford any of the curriculum's out there. Then, just right on time 3 days before i was going to start our new school I was blessed with two years of a curriculum (a christian curriculum...yes) and I thanked God and I began to relax a little. 

Not too much I was still panicked. didn't know exactly how to manage and organize our days. Just wanted our school time to be filling and healthy. 

Two months went by and the flow became easier, I was crying and yelling less, and was talking more! I began to change things about myself, see things about me apparently my husband saw in me for so long. Yet, I was not only able see them but fix them work on them. Became a better person, mom, teacher, wife and daughter of our Lord. I am beginning to see now that God was not putting me in this position just for my kids, for our family, but for me; to teach ME. I am so very thankful for such an amazing, caring, and loving Father. I am enjoying my life and there's no turning back!

How we came to be "Our Panda Homeschool"

This was a big step for me, I was a stay at home mom trying to fill my days with writing, coupons, crocheting and then a dangerous rode to playing minecraft becoming wildly addicted. I was bored and need something to fill the extra time I didn't know what to do with. I decided to apply for a job in the criminal justice field (remember...CJ Major).

For sure I would be a solid candidate. Since my background is close to spotless; no drinking, no drugs and no type of gang affiliation ever in my life. I was gold to them! I had excelled in every possible step they had given me. Then God walked on to the scene and for the door that was so far open it was off the hinges was now suddenly closed and I was confused. At the same time I applied for the CJ position, there was a teaching job I felt I was being led to, so I applied. I left in God's hands saying I applied for both we will see what you want me to do. Let's get one thing straight really quick, for those who know me, know yes I have a lot of patience until it comes to homework with the kids. I was not teacher material, but I followed my spirit applied for the job and God closed the door. Apparently I was not doing what I was suppose to be doing. I returned to my knees in longer prayer and even fasting I asked God what was the deal and what did he want form me? Why was he closing so many doors and why was he giving me this urge to teach?

Then one night really late or really early 3 a.m. God spoke to me and for a week he spoke to me, waking me up at 3 a.m. at the end of that week I knew why I had such a hold on teaching. I was not meant to teach at a school surrounded by other peoples children but in my home surrounded by my own children. Before you knew it my misdirection became so focused and so intent. I spent the whole summer preparing myself and my home for what was about to happen. I can say honestly I thought I was prepared. Oh boy was I so very wrong!